Chronic unhappiness

"7 Habits of Chronically Unhappy People" by Tamara Star. When I saw this headline on Huffington Post this morning I just had to click it! (to read the article click here.)  Tamara goes into more detail on the site but here are the 7 habits she describes:

1) Your default belief is that life is hard.
2) You believe most people can't be trusted.
3)  You focus on what's wrong with the world vs. what's right.
4)  You compare yourself to others and harbor jealousy.
5)  You strive to control your life.
6)  You consider your future with worry and fear.
7)  You fill your conversation with gossip and complaints.

Know anyone who fits all 7?  how about 5?  3?  how about yourself?  I see several that I know quite intimately. And even if none of these apply to you, being around someone who lives these mantras can be draining and exhausting.

One of the things I've learned working as a hospice chaplain is that even though someone may have spent a large portion of their life viewing the world through several pairs of these skewed glasses, by the time they receive a hospice referral and we have had an opportunity to talk about their impending death, most of these beliefs have been allowed to fade into the background, seen to be not as important to keep holding onto, or even viewed with some humor. When faced with death, many begin to see more clearly or at least get a new prescription for their glasses.  Let's not wait until then to change our unhappiness habits.

unhappy sunflower taken from wallpaper4me.com

tiptoe through the tulips

Today my friend Karen took me to trip through the La Conner tulips to celebrate my 60th birthday.

What a glorious day.  I have no words for the beauty of these flowers. 

Enjoy!

 

 

Deep in their roots all flowers keep the light.

-Theodore Roethke

Life is a celebration of passionate colors. - Leialoha Cator

 

If you've never been thrilled to the very edges of your soul by a flower in spring bloom,

maybe your soul has never been in bloom. ~Terri Guillemets

 

Sometimes I imagine colors as if they were living ideas, being of pure reason with which to communicate.

Nature is not on the surface, it is deep down. - Paul Cezanne

 

Color is joy. One does not think joy. One is carried by it. - Ernst Haas

 

Everything is blooming most recklessly; if it were voices instead of colors,

there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night.

-Rainer Maria Rilke

both/and

“If we maintain the open-mindedness of children,

we challenge fixed ideas and established structures,

including our own.

We listen to people in other denominations and religions.

We don't find demons in those with whom we disagree.

We don't cozy up to people who mouth our jargon.

If we are open, we rarely resort to either-or:

either creation or evolution,

liberty or law,

sacred or secular,

Beethoven or Madonna.

We focus on both-and, fully aware that God's truth

cannot be imprisoned in a small definition. ”

Brennan Manning

L.E.J. Maroski diagrams are from here

remove the pot

“The solution is not to suppress our thoughts and desires,

 for this would be impossible;

it would be like trying to keep a pot of water from boiling

by pressing down tightly on the lid.

The only sensible approach is to train ourselves to observe our thoughts

without following them.

This deprives them of their compulsive energy & is therefore

like removing the pot of boiling water from the fire.”

-Lama Thubten Yeshi

 

I need a lot more practice at this!

I tend to follow my thoughts wherever they want to lead-

and it’s usually not to where I should go.

more or less

"As I grow to understand life less and less,

I learn to live it more and more."

- Jules Renard

photo from here

the koan

"The koan* is like a pebble in the mouth of a man

who walks in the desert.

It does not quench existing thirst,

but it stimulates the means of quenching it.

-C. Humphreys, Buddhism

*koan - n. A puzzling, often paradoxical statement,story, or parable,

used in Zen Buddhism as an aid to meditation and

as a means of gaining spiritual awakening.

I know the photo distracts from the beauty of the quote - but really,

how often do you see a man walking with a cheetah in the desert?

That's a koan worth pondering!

Taking a stroll: A Nomadic tribesman walks side by side

in the company of a cheetah that he has helped to tame.

More cool photos of the man with the cheetah from here

shades of gold

"Sometimes silence isn't golden.

Sometimes it's just yellow."

Jan Kemp

May we know when to speak up,

especially for those who have no voice.

how old are you?

"You can judge your age

by the amount of pain you feel

when you come in contact with a new idea."

- Pearl S. Buck

positive thinking

The trick is to realize that

the shit that falls on you is fertilizer.

- Ron Mangravite

Expand our images O Lord!

What images of God do we carry with us?

Do they empower us to seek and serve Christ in all people,

regardless of race, gender or creed?

Do they encourage us to strive for justice and peace

among all the peoples of the earth?

Do they help us to respect the dignity of every human being,

all of whom are created in the Divine Image?

If not, why do we keep them?

Images that induce guilt and fear (like the ones I grew up with)

can be tenacious in their hold upon our psyches.

Even when you think you have banished them they can pop up like burnt toast -

all smokey & smelly & needing a quick trip to the trash bin.

We need to expand our images of God in order to nourish our souls.

We need images that speak to the mystery that is God.

The image above is one that my adult daughter grew up with

that she would like to replace.

Giving away our best

"We are cups

constantly & quietly being filled.

The trick is,

knowing how to tip ourselves over

& let the beautiful stuff out." 

Ray Bradbury

And  that can be a challenge at times, what with our propensity to become distracted by thinking that others might not see us as the beautiful creations that we are, thus losing our grip on our saucers, scalding ourselves and those around us:)

persistence & perseverance

"The Ba'al Shem Tov spoke to his disciples about such persistence this way: 'A man of piety complained to the besht,* saying,  'I have labored hard and long in the service of the Lord, yet I have received no improvement.
I am still an ordinary and ignorant person.'
And the besht answered,  'Ah yes, but you have gained the realization that you are ordinary and ignorant, and this in itself is a worthy accomplishment, is it not?'

Persistence and perseverance in hard times may not guarantee that we will receive what we set out to do. But what we ourselves can become inside ourselves, in spirit and soul, in the process will be more than worth the effort."

from Becoming Fully Human by Joan Chittister
*besht - acronym for Ba'al Shem Tov

Epiphany Joy!

"May this holy season be for each of us

A time of moving beyond what is “reasonable”

And toward the star of wonder;

Moving beyond grasping tight to what we have

To unclenching our hands and letting go,

Following the Light where it leads;

Moving beyond competition toward cooperation,

Seeing that all humans are sisters and brothers.

Moving beyond the anxiety of small concerns

Towards the joys of justice and peace.

May the transforming acceptance of Mary and Joseph,

The imagination of the shepherds,

And the persistence of the wise men

Guide us as we seek the Truth,

Always moving toward the Divine promise.

Always aware God can be hidden in the frailest among us,

Always open to the unexpected flash of Grace,

To the showing forth of that Love that embraces us all."

From Education for Justice - www.educationforjustice.org.

Adapted by J.M. Deren from "Blessings and Benedictions,"

by W.L. Wallace in Shine On, Star of Bethlehem, CAFOD, 2004.

And if my wee wise guys have shown us anything at all this year,

they have definitely modeled persistence in their search for the truth!

Let us enter the Season of Epiphany with gratitude and joy.

Wise Men, Wise Kids?

Wiseman #2: Greetings! We are on a quest, in search of an interpreter.

wisekid #2 to wisekid #1: Did you try to steal my frankincense?

Wiseman #1: Hello? Children?

wisekid #1 to wisekid #2: Who would want to steal your stupid frankincense?

Wiseman #3: Can I interrupt you for a brief moment, Your Childishness?

wisekid#2: Don't lie! I saw you do it. Keep your hands off my gift.

wisekid #1: You're just jealous because I've got a better gift than you do.

wisekid #2: Nuh-uh. Gold is dumb.

wisekid #1: Gold is not dumb. At least I can buy candy with gold.

What can you buy with frankincense?

Wiseman #1: EXCUSE ME....Can you stop bickering and pay attention?

wisekid #3: Welcome to my world! They never stop fighting. Maybe I can help you?

Wiseman #1: Oh Yes, the canine shepherd sent us your way.

Can you read our decree?

wisekid #3: Sorry, we can't read.

Wiseman #2: Oh that is so sad...you know, we can't w---

Wiseman #1: Do you have to tell EVERYONE about our shortcomings?

Wiseman #2: I was just trying to make them feel better.

Wiseman #3: Great! Now we are squabbling just like these children!

wisekid #3: And the difference between a smart man and a wiseman is that

while a smart man knows what to say a wiseman knows whether or not to say it.

Wiseman #1: Excellent counsel Young Sage. Can you show us the way?

wisekid #3: I'd try the wise ones on the piano.

Wiseman #2: Thank you.

Will the Wisemen ever find what they are searching for?

A Wise Decision

When we last left the Wisemen, they had made the shocking discovery that their waving cat wasn't all it was cracked up to be. They've been very quiet since then, speaking only when spoken to. I've left them alone, using my own bathroom, in an attempt to not intrude on their grieving process.  When I have peeked I have noticed that the cat is still on its side, even though I've offered to replace the batteries. But we all know that once you recognize the truth, it's difficult to continue living in the state of delusion.  Let's knock on the door and see what they are up to today.

Me: Knock Knock

Wisemen: Come in.

Me: Hi....thought I'd check up on you. What are you doing?

Wiseman #1: We thought it best to consult our book of wisdom.

Me: Yes, I see that. And what have you learned?

Wiseman #2: Feel free to read over our shoulders.

Wiseman #3: Yes, we'd point but as you know we have no arms.

Me: Do you ever NOT bring that up in a conversation?

Wiseman #3: Not if we can help it.

Wiseman #1: ENOUGH! We have to make a decision here.

Me: Really? What kind of decision?

Wiseman #2: Read the decree.

"Go- not knowing where.

Bring- not knowing what.

The path is long,

the way unknown."

-Russian Fable

Me: Well, that sounds very um...mystical?

Wiseman: #3: Yes, we need to consult other wise ones!

Wiseman #2: Do you know of any in the area?

Me: Well, yes I actually do.

Wiseman #1: Please arrange for an audience.

Me: I will get right on that your highnesses!

Wiseman #1: We must rest. A great journey lies before us!

It looks like we're going on a FIELD TRIP!!!!!



Growing Old Prayer

LORD, I AM GROWING OLD. . .

I do not want to be old before my time. I do not want to be an early retiree

or to fail to give all my energy to your service in my remaining years,

but I cannot deny the decades gone and the limited years ahead.

I feel more fragile, more vulnerable.

In my youth, there were so many days, months, yes years that seemed to lie ahead

that I fooled myself with illusions of immortality. Now I know the years are numbered,

and I sense in a new way that each day is a gift not to be presumed but to be cherished.

My relationship with you has always sustained me, directed me, and given me hope,

but too often I have neglected it, presumed it was there, and failed to nourish it.

Even my commitment to ministry seemed too often a product of compulsion

rather than zeal, of a desire to be esteemed rather than a desire to serve.

But this is less a time for regrets and self-criticisms

and more a time for gratitude and renewed commitments.

This is a time to deepen my relationship with you

and to be more attentive to your presence in my everyday life.

This is a time to be with you Lord,

and to invite you to be with me.

This is a time to surrender my life into your hands

and to discover that my name is written on the palm of your hand.

This is a time to tend to my deepest desires so that I can discover your desires for me.

This is a time to think about home and where my heart is and to unearth my treasure.

This is a time for abiding in you and noticing how you abide in me.

This is a time for harvesting and a time for planting new seeds

in the sure hope that you will give them growth.

Jesus, you said to Peter: ‘When you were younger, you used to fasten your own belt

and go wherever you wished. But when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands,

and someone will fasten a belt around you and take you where you do not wish to go’

John 21:18).

Lord, be with me as I grow old. Lead me, guide me

and draw me ever closer to your heart for only there will I find peace

and the assurance of life eternal. Amen.

Gerald M. Fagin, SJ is Associate Professor of Theology and Spirituality at the

Loyola Institute for Ministry, Loyola University, New Orleans. He has been involved

in the ministry of spiritual direction for thirty years and, for the past twenty years,

he has co-directed an internship in spiritual direction at the New Orleans Archdiocesan

Spirituality Center. This prayer was taken from his article “The Spiritual Exercises

and the Later Years” The Way, 43/1 (January 2004), p.78-79.



Good News

“What was achieved in the body of Mary

will happen in the soul

of everyone who receives the Word.”

Gregory of Nyssa

Jesus as Mystic

"Jesus was a mystic in the sense that he lived in conscious awareness of the transcendent reality of God. Everything we admire about the life of Jesus – his compassion, wise teaching, mighty acts, and sacrifice – were funded by the private disciplines of his inner life – how he learned to be tuned into the presence and power of God’s song.  He demonstrated that the transforming power of God’s kingdom is accessed through receptivity, mindful surrender, study, simplicity, silence, and solitude. Through the example of his life, we are invited to follow a path of a mystic."

'Soul Graffitti: Making a Life in the Way of Jesus' by Mark Scandrette

do you connect with any of these images of Christ?

what's my name?

I was regretting the past

and fearing the future.

Suddenly God was speaking.

"My name is 'I am.'" I waited.

God continued,

"When you live in the past

with its mistakes and regrets

it is hard. I am not there.

My name is not 'I was.'

When you live in the future,

with its problems and fears, it is hard.

I am not there.

My name is not 'I will be.'

When you live in this moment,
it is not hard. I am here.

My name is 'I am.'

from Helen Mellicost (on the kitchen wall

of the Ranch Guesthouse of St. Benedict's

Monastery in Snowmass, Colorado.)
p. 51 "100 Graces - Mealtime Blessings"

image is from this artblog

which is curated by Meighan O'Toole.

don't answer that!

"To learn which questions are unanswerable,

and not to answer them:

this skill is most needful in times of stress and darkness."

Ursula Le Guin