happy valenswine's day?

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Oh No!

You just remembered that you gave up all sweets for Lent?

Never fear!

There is always roses...

And even better...Bacon and Roses combined!

Does it get any better than this?

photo from here

Jesus fell off his Cross!

My daughter texted me yesterday from her car with this picture and message:

“Jesus fell off his cross! I need a new one!”

And what would the proper response be to such a statement?

“So sorry to hear the news” or “Well done Jesus!”

but instead I said,

“So where did he land?”

“In the console” she replied.

“Is he ok?” I asked.

“Not really. He broke his arm in the fall.”

This was accompanied by another photo:

 

“So can you re-attach his arm?”

I said.

“I’ve tried that before Mom. He just doesn’t seem to want to stay put. 

Once when I was driving along, I looked down and saw him looking up at me on my leg.

So I glued him back on. But now that his arm is broken, I don’t think that’s going to work.”

As my head filled with the theological implications of Jesus not remaining on the cross,

or of replacing a broken Jesus who was broken for us on said cross,

or of Jesus not desiring to ‘stay put’, even with glue applied,

I considered the worthiness of turning this into yet another one

of my spiritual analogies about God’s desire to draw closer to my daughter.

I thought back over all the years of my telling Jesus stories to my kids and their less than enthusiastic response,

and decided not to read too much into it.

“So what do you think Mom?” she asked.

“I think Jesus wants you to SLOW DOWN. You can’t be sure that he didn’t just try to JUMP to safety.”

vacuum man

It's just not possible to love God in a vacuum.

We need each other. We need community.

photo of vacuum man outside a store

in south carolina from here.

the wise men vs.the leprechaun

Well, Happy Saint Patrick's Day.

I spent the morning facilitating a workshop on creating Celtic Blessings

and came home feeling completely blessed. 

Until of course, I heard the commotion coming from the guest bathroom.

It seems the wisemen are having "issues" with the leprechaun.

ME:  What is all the noise about?

Wiseman #1:  We want to issue a formal complaint.

ME:  About what?

Wiseman #2:  This gigantic green man you've put on our shelf.

ME:  The leprechaun?

Wiseman #3:  Yes. The leprechaun.

ME:  What seems to be the problem?

Wiseman #2:  His smirk.

ME:  Leprechauns are known for being full of mischief.

That's just his mischievous look.

Wiseman #1:  No!  He's taunting us.

Wiseman #2:  Yes, he keeps bragging about his gold.

Wiseman #3:  And we are sure it's stolen.  Call the police!

ME:  Hold on.  Calm down.  You wee fellas get riled so easily!

Wiseman#1:  He says that he will steal our gifts while we're sleeping.

ME:  Um. Knowing how much you dislike my bringing up your

immovable arms....

Wiseman #2:  We'll make an exception this one time.

ME:  Well look at his arm.  It too is permanently attached to his gold.

Wiseman #1, #2, #3:   SILENCE

ME:  Do you realize that if a human captures a leprechaun he has to

give them 3 wishes in order to regain his freedom? 

Looks to me like this could be your lucky day!

 Here's your chance to get your arms unglued!

The wisemen moved to the corner to  put their heads together to confer for several minutes.

Wiseman #2:  We've made a decision.

Wiseman #3:  Yes, We're at peace with the permanent position of our arms.

Wiseman #1:  And so we are pooling our 3 wishes.

ME:  So tell the leprechaun what you want!

Wiseman #2:  We want YOU  to remove him.

ME:  And why would I do that?

Wiseman #2:  Because we have evidence of your

fraternizing with the enemy.

ME:  What are you talking about?

Wiseman #1:  Look at this photo.  You are one of them!

ME:  OMG!  Where did you find that ancient picture? 

Wiseman #3:  Never you mind!  Please remove him

or we'll post this for all the world to know your true identity!

ME: Oh all right.  But you need to know that I'm not a

real Leprechaun.  I just play one to annoy my children.

running on water

The following is a response that I received

to my last post on Matthew's Gospel

from a dear yet crazy friend, Gene Holly+...Enjoy!

  HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW YOUR BIBLE?

Who was the 3rd  man in history to walk on water?

      *

      The 1st  one was Jesus..

      * 

      The  2nd  was the  apostle, Peter.

      *

      Then there was this guy, Ralph...

 

the church vs. change

another clever cartoon from dave walker!

unreasonable expectations

"Though we often tend to blame them,

it is not the external things like families, jobs or money

that create problems for us in our lives.

Rather, what actually makes us unhappy

is our tendency to desire that these things bring us happiness.

This expectation that family, job, money, a new car, whatever,

will make us happy is what binds us and causes our discontent.”

- D.W. Moore

for more bizarre cards visit someecards.com

God & Grass

The following story has been blatantly nabbed in broad daylight from the weekly email I receive from Joan Chittister's e-newsletter: Vision and Viewpoint, which you can sign up for to have delivered to your inbox. It is always filled with encouraging words. I highly recommend it. ( but I chose the clearly- in-bad-taste photos)



God & Lawn Care

God said: "Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles."

St. Francis: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

God: Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

St. Francis: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

God: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it—sometimes twice a week.

God: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

St. Francis: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

God: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

St. Francis: Yes, Sir.
God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
St. Francis: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
God: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.
St. Francis: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
God: No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
St. Francis: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
God: And where do they get this mulch?
St. Francis: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
God: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
St. Catherine: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a story about....
God: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

Paddy's Day Cartoons

I couldn't decide which of these was more fitting

so you get all 3 which is very Trinitarian on my part!

My daughter Bethany has determined Lucky Charms to be

an "authentic Irish breakfast" but even she would not go this far!

+

I like the expression on the leprechaun's face

in the following cartoon, which seems to say,

"I need a new accountant"

More of these can be found here.

+

And this one is for all of you

who are brave enough to consume

corned beef & cabbage today.

I myself will be feasting on lasagna.



knowledge vs. wisdom

I'm feeling the need for a taste of levity tonite.

"Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.

Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad."

But where's the fun in that?

Savagely Funny Chickens

I look forward to receiving "Savage Chickens" cartoons as a daily email.

I loved today's cartoon and thought I'd share some of my favorites.

Check out Doug Savage's website here and take a moment for a laugh...it's good for the soul!

Frisbeetarianism

"Frisbeetarianism is the belief

that when you die,

your soul goes up on the roof

and gets stuck."

- George Carlin

whereabouts

"When they discover

the center of the universe,

a lot of people will be disappointed

to discover

they are not it."

-Bernard Bailey

yep, sometimes the truth hurts.

got popcorn?

"Life is like arriving late for a movie,

having to figure out what was going on

without bothering everybody with a lot of questions,

and then being unexpectedly called away

before you find out how it ends."

Joseph Campbell

sand art?

I am easily amused

by kitty litter puns!

Ascencion Art?

Someone asked about yesterday's Ascension art - so here goes: Disclaimer:  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  These comments are only my reactions.  The artwork on the right (which fills the "too renaissancey" slot) shows a "ripped" Jesus with a perfectly sculpted six-pack - which I'm assuming he worked on when he wasn't teaching, praying, and healing?  As for the completely clothed apostles, 6 are actually watching him ascend while the other 6 are looking everywhere but up.  I guess they were used to such sights.

Which brings us to the "too clip artsy" artwork - a flowing Jesus who seems to have lost an eye in the ascension process....oops...at least he's clothed....:)

And for the "too creepy" category...how does this one strike you?  This darkness doesn't exactly exude a sense of warmth...know what I mean?  But again, as stated in the disclaimer: beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Now for the "too cutesy" category- (as in cutesy feet sticking out from the grey clouds) - which I snitched from here.  This scene appears to be attached to a cross of some sort and again, most of the apostles aren't watching the ascension. What could be distracting them? 

And there you have it!  Human beings interpreting Jesus in so many ways.  We are a wild and crazy crew - made in the image of a God who gave us each such uniqueness.  Gotta love that!   

Lucy Leprechaun

Even Lucy is getting into the "green" movement.

(In case you're concerned, rest assured that
I would never dip my dog in dye
but I would dress her in that snappy hat.)

Thanks Phil for the link:)

The Big Gulp Theory!

A digital picture frame sits on my daughter's kitchen counter which presents a continuous slide show. She has not changed the photos in it for quite some time so the rotation includes pics of her 3-year-old daughter Rita from not only her first two years of life, but also from a Hawaian vacation taken right before Rita's birth.
Last week, some family members came by to visit and as they watched the changing pictures they commented on how much Rita has changed since those pictures were taken. Rita, who loves to be the center of attention, began a running commentary on each picture...she pointed to herself and said 'that's me" and then to her parents and said "that's mommy" and "that's daddy"....and when the Hawaii pictures came onto the screen she said proudly, "and that's me in Mommy's tummy"....
But then, she just stopped talking, as a look of deep distress crossed her little face. She turned to her mother and whispered in the most serious of tones, "Mommy, did you swallow me?"

Zen humor

4th of July

"You have to love a nation
that celebrates its independence every July 4,
not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers
who file by the White House
in a show of strength and muscle,
but with family picnics
where kids throw Frisbees,
the potato salad gets iffy,
and the flies die from happiness.
You may think you have overeaten,
but it is patriotism."

~Erma Bombeck
(i so miss her wit)