This trip has definitely had its ups and downs. First we made it all the way to the top of the Eiffel Tower. The view was stupendous! At least, that's what we heard as we are far too short to see out the window. And for some reason, unbeknownst to us, we have been placed looking in the opposite direction!
Eventually we made it all the way back down to the bottom and had an opportunity to look up at where we had been. We decided that it was probably wise that we had not been able to see out the window when we were at the top. You know how queasy #3 can get.
I'm not sure if it was the ride to the top of the tower or the ridiculous traffic but #3 became a wee bit carsick as we made our way to the restaurant for dinner.
So in order to settle our stomachs after all that driving around in circles we ordered a bottle of wine but you know how poorly #2 holds his alcohol. Before we knew it he was completely tipsy.
And I mean that in the most literal sense.
This type of behavior is completely inappropriate for men of our stature (and I'm not talking about height here dear landlady. I'm talking about our being known as "wise.")
Rest assured, I do plan on having a talk with him when we return to the room.
So we ordered some food to absorb the fine French vino!
It's at times like these that arms would definitely come in handy....
We are very grateful that the day is ending. As delighted as we are for having seen the Eiffel Tower we are in need of rest. Tomorrow we will be heading out on the train to Normandy to see an ancient site of deep spiritual significance. Until then, Bonne Nuit!
Dear Landlady, Sorry for the delay in writing but Paris is just too much fun! This week we spent a good bit of our time touring the Notre Dame Cathedral, which, as you probably know, is one of the best known cathedrals in all the world. Such architecture! So different from that feeding trough that we found the Christ child in oh so many years ago...
And we had the good fortune to meet some fellow astronomers. So colorful. They hail from Mumbai where they dwell within a Zoroastrian community. Turns out there was some confusion when they were purchasing their tickets online to return home from their tour of Rome. Somehow they wrote 'Paris' instead of 'Parsi.' They thought the question had to do with their religious identity, not their flight destination. Can you imagine? So a simple spelling error compounded by a misunderstanding caused quite the mix up. As you know, wars have been started over less! But the Parsis have been delightful companions for us.
Of course there was an awkward moment when #3 blurted out that he didn't quite understand how they could possibly have been able to type, never mind purchase tickets online since it's quite obvious to everyone present that their arms are only painted on. Oh my, dear landlady, there was such a cumbersome silence at that point, but the Zoroastrians were kind enough to eventually find the humor in the situation. I'm going to have a word with #3 when we get back to the hotel.
Will write more tomorrow. We're off to see the famous Notre Dame bells. I hope the vibration does not knock us off of our nonexistent feet.
Dearest Landlady, Just a quick update on our trip so far. We were quite excited (and a wee bit anxious) while waiting to board our plane to New York. It's been several years since our trip to Ireland and we truly hoped we would be allowed to sit together. Here we are waiting patiently while watching our plane being prepared for take off.
Once on board we were delighted to meet up with our old friend Santa Claus. It seems he has "gone commercial" as he is now hawking carbonated beverages. But it was delightful to spend some time with him again. Such a happy fellow!
So here we are in New York. Your friends Karen and Elizabeth (who have now become our dear friends) gave us a delightful ride on our luggage. What a hoot! But I guess you would have had to be here to realize just how hilarious this was. Speaking of which, we miss you....
Well, after boarding yet another flight we finally made it to "Gay Paree" as they used to say in the late 1800's! That's how long it's been since, while en route to the Holy Land one December, we made a bit of a detour. Those were happy times! But we digress....It's a joy to touch down on Parisian soil at last. Here we are checking out all the brochures. So much to see! So little time!
Here we are arriving in our room. What a lovely view!
But after such a long journey we were experiencing some significant jet lag. The only place we wanted to see at this point was our bed, with the mint on the pillow (which we shared.) Tomorrow the adventure begins! Good night dear Landlady.
When I arrived home tonight I saw that the wise men had been quite busy. Bags were packed and by the door. They were so intent on peering at this map that they didn't even notice my entrance.
Me: Excuse me....What are you doing? Wiseman #2: Oh hello, dear landlady. We are planning out our itinerary for our arrival in Paris. Me: Really? You are going to Paris? When? Wiseman #3: We leave tonight. Me: What? Let me see the invitation. Wiseman #1: Well, that would be difficult as we told a wee lie to your dog Lucy. Wiseman #3: Yes, we apologize, but we could not wait for you to return so we told her there was a treat inside of the envelope for her. And knowing the high level of gullibility that your dog possesses, she jumped up onto our bed and ripped it open. Fortunately we were able to read the invitation before Lucy devoured it along with the envelope. You really should do something about that dog's lack of manners! Me: Well, you set her up. Anyway, do I need to take you to the airport? Wiseman #2: That won't be necessary as a limo is being sent for us. Me: What? This is all too much to take in. And you all seem remarkably calm. Wiseman #3: You forget, dear landlady, that we are seasoned travelers who have followed stars to a manger in a field outside an obscure village. Travel is in our blood. Me: Then why are you studying that map so intently? Can't you just follow the stars in Paris? Wiseman #1: Obviously you have not been to Paris of late. The city suffers from high levels of air particle pollution and it would be impossible to navigate by stars. Hence, the map! Wiseman #2: Enough of this chit chat! We must get ready! Me: Well, how will I know you are ok? Wiseman #1: we will text you. Me: Really? with no arms? Wiseman #1: (icy stare)....cruelty is not becoming dear landlady. Me: I know. I apologize. It's just that I'm going to miss you on Thanksgiving. Wiseman #3: Knowing how attached you are to our royal-highness-ness, we left you a prayer and some selfies. Me: Selfies? I really want to ask how you could possibly take a selfie but I know you will think it cruel so I'm just going to wish you safe journeys and bon voyage!
Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Fifthwheelian, there
slept three very wee wise men.Nothing
disturbed their slumber for months on end until one day the landlady received a
letter addressed to their royal highnesses.What should she do?They looked
so peaceful in their very ornate, very large bed. There they lay, with their pinecone comforter to keep them toasty, while Mary and her precious baby gazed fondly from their rather over-the-top headboard.
correspondence might be very important.
So she crept up beside them and said, "Hey, wiseguys! wake up! You've got mail!" And so the sleepyheads returned to reality, looking like they had overslept, which of course they had.
wise man #1: oh my! what an intriguing piece of correspondence!
I see the plane and the flag of France!
wise man #2: and I see Viva la France!
wise man #3: good grief! I see nothing but blur. I must need glasses!
me: yes, it is quite blurry. let me bring it closer.
wise man #3: Ah much better. Yes, it's definitely from France.
And oh, look! It's marked "personal."
me: I noticed that so I didn't open it. But I have to go to work now.
wise man #1: what? you can't just leave us with this mystery.
We have no arms! who will open it?
me: I'll open it when I get home! I must go or I'll be late.
"7 Habits of Chronically Unhappy People" by Tamara Star. When I saw this headline on Huffington Post this morning I just had to click it! (to read the article click here.) Tamara goes into more detail on the site but here are the 7 habits she describes:
1) Your default belief is that life is hard. 2) You believe most people can't be trusted. 3) You focus on what's wrong with the world vs. what's right. 4) You compare yourself to others and harbor jealousy. 5) You strive to control your life. 6) You consider your future with worry and fear. 7) You fill your conversation with gossip and complaints.
Know anyone who fits all 7? how about 5? 3? how about yourself? I see several that I know quite intimately. And even if none of these apply to you, being around someone who lives these mantras can be draining and exhausting.
One of the things I've learned working as a hospice chaplain is that even though someone may have spent a large portion of their life viewing the world through several pairs of these skewed glasses, by the time they receive a hospice referral and we have had an opportunity to talk about their impending death, most of these beliefs have been allowed to fade into the background, seen to be not as important to keep holding onto, or even viewed with some humor. When faced with death, many begin to see more clearly or at least get a new prescription for their glasses. Let's not wait until then to change our unhappiness habits.
So my CPE experience ended two months ago and I've been waiting to see how all that I learned (or unlearned) while at Evergreen will play out in my life. I'm not quite ready to talk about it in detail. I'm just letting it seep into the cracks and crevices of my very being. But I will share the meditation I penned for our biweekly IDG meeting at hospice as it grew as a result of my CPE experience.
One of the books that our CPE supervisor taught from in weekly Didactic sessions was "How Then Shall We Live" by Wayne Muller. It's a great book. We're reading through it in our Lectio Group. Everyone is enjoying it immensely. Thanks Delmas!
following writing is my response/interpretation of a reading from the “How
Shall I Live, Knowing I Shall Die” section of Wayne Muller’s 1996 book, “How Then Shall we Live.”Names in the story have been changed for
The 72 labors of
July 23, 2014
There is an
old Buddhist prayer that monks recite before meals that begins with this line: "First 72 labors brought us this food.We
should know how it comes to us.”Their
point being that we should become more aware of all the connections in our
life.Do you ever think about such
labors in regards to your own food? In
light of this prayer let’s consider my morning latte which is something I take
for granted on a daily basis.How many
people did it take for it to get to me?I’m
not exactly sure but here goes: the Farmer who prepared the field, the planter,
the picker, processor, roaster, miller, exporter, importer, dock workers, ship
workers, truckers, packagers, grinders, brewers, cup manufacturers, coffee
machine makers, the coffee stand owner and of course, the Baristas.That’s just 18 labors that I know of and
that’s without even discussing the milk!
my life be like if I remembered all these connections?How much more grateful would I be for this
latte that sits in front of me? And how much more would I enjoy the latte
knowing how much I have received?Did
you know that gratefulness slows time down?
past 2 weeks I’ve had several conversations with people in which the idea of
giving and receiving was mentioned. Everyone agreed that giving was a lot
easier than receiving.For all of us
here at this table today, we know how to give.It’s probably why we went into hospice work.We love to give.But many of us struggle with receiving.We almost bristle at the idea of
receiving.Why is that?I think it’s because we easily forget
reality.And that reality is that we
constantly rely on others for our well-being (and for our lattes.)
made very evident this week at the office when our co-worker, Lina, quite suddenly became very ill.How frightening that was.And yet she was not alone. Her experience did not occur in a vacuum. Everyone gathered around her.Everyone felt her pain and her fear.And just as those 18 labors connected me to
my morning latte how much more were we all connected to Lina and one another? 911 was called.EMT’s arrived.Rhonda took blood pressure & monitored
vitals.Kristen lay on the floor with
her. Doug managed the phones and Julie rode to the hospital with her.Doctors and nurses cared for her.Maggie kept us posted as to her status.Her family gathered around her.Technicians took x-rays and MRI’s and CAT
scans.All those connections.All that love.
feel the tension amongst those of us waiting here in the office as we continued
working while wondering how Lina was doing. I was thrilled when Julie called
looking for a ride back to the office from the hospital for then I too became
one of the 72 labors!We were connected
in our humanity.And it served as a good
reminder of what our patients experience from us as caregivers.
forget to remember is that “we are in the perpetual care of others.”
I looked up the definition of “perpetual.”It means “never ending or changing, occurring repeatedly, so frequent as
to seem endless and uninterrupted.”We are not independent. We are in the
perpetual care of one another.We are
interdependent.We are givers and we are
receivers. We can’t be one without the
other.Perhaps in giving we heal
ourselves and in receiving we heal others. Or maybe it’s the other way around?
I invite you to pause today to think through the
72 or 32 or 18 labors of something or someone you take for granted.Maybe it’s the water coming out of your tap,
or the road you drove into work on today or the medication that keeps a loved
one well.Whatever it is, remember that
we have much to be grateful for within all of our daily connections, no matter
how mundane they may appear.Let us give
thanks for the opportunity to give to one another and to receive from one
another.May we continue to offer
perpetual care for one another, for ourselves, and for our patients.And may Lina recover completely from her
Tomorrow is the start of a new adventure - Clinical Pastoral Education at Evergreen Health in Kirkland. I've worked as a hospice chaplain for almost a year and a half now and I see the need for more education, more self-awareness, and more diversity, all of which I know I will encounter in the next 12 weeks. My major concern right now is getting to the hospital from my daughter's house in Snohomish. You see, I have a fear of heights and freeway overpasses. You might think, what's the big deal? But if you are one of the countless people who walk around with any sort of anxiety issue, you know this is no small matter.
Over 10 years ago I hit my head and suffered major inner ear damage which brought on long term vertigo. Tasks I had taken for granted suddenly turned into impossibilities. Driving was at the top of the list. For weeks I refused to drive but I had responsibilities and finally got behind the wheel. I was beyond terrified as I feared losing control of my car. At one point while crossing the Tacoma Narrows bridge I experienced my first panic attack. My breathing became shallow, my heart rate raised and I involuntarily removed my foot from the gas pedal and came to a stop. I would not recommend doing this. It makes other drivers extremely irritated.
After that incident I began limiting my life. I came up with all sorts of rules about what I could not do. No driving on bridges, no driving over water, no driving at night, no driving in the rain. The list was endless.
But my doctor told me that my inner ear would eventually compensate for the damage from the fall. It would take years but he was right. Unfortunately my brain didn't get the message regarding all my rules. I accepted the fears as reality.
Over the last two years I've made remarkable progress thanks to my spiritual director. I now drive on freeways, drive at night in rain and can cross a bridge, as long as it's on the water. However, two fears remain that I have not faced yet. Heights and overpasses.
So what does this have to do with CPE? Well, the easiest route to take is over a very tall freeway overpass that connects the 522 to the 405. Am I going to tackle it on my first day? No, as I have other fears to contend with such as the fear of sleeping in and being late. So I am leaving earlier and taking another route. But in the midst of all this I have come up with some strategies to use when I decide to take the quickest route.
I found this quote that says "The only thing standing between where you are and where you want to be is your fear." I replaced "fear" with the "fear of overpasses" as I need to literally cross that bridge to get to the hospital! So I decided to do The Work on my fears.
Here's words to say as I approach my fear (bridge):
I look forward to crossing this overpass. Each time will be easier than the last.
I am thankful that my body wants to protect me from harm. It's doing it's job, but I'm not in Danger, I'm in Discomfort!
I know that this panic attack will end.
Here's to overcoming this fear which will allow me to concentrate on my yet undiscovered fears of CPE!!!
A friend sent the following poem to me today. It lists many of the labels we use to introduce ourselves. I began listing mine but stopped counting at around twenty. The poet asks us to consider suspending usage of the labels in order to focus on the beauty of the present moment.
And just now, looking out the window I saw my son-in-law and grandson digging for worms in the vegetable patch. As I watched the father and child feed worms to the chickens I knew that this was what Susan Glassmeyer is guiding me toward as the "one small thing that cost us nothing but our attention."
The photos capture the "something simple that nourished my soul" today.
Fredrick showing me the worm his dad has unearthed.
Let's not say our names
or what we do for a living.
If we are married
and how many times.
Single, gay, or vegan.
Let's not mention
how far we got in school.
Who we know,
what we're good at
or no good at, at all.
Let's not hint at
how much money we have
or how little. Where we go to church or that we don't. What our Sun Sign is our Enneagram number our personality type according to Jung or whether we've ever been Rolfed, arrested, psychoanalyzed, or artificially suntanned.
Let's refrain, too, from stating any ills. What meds we're on including probiotics. How many surgeries we've survived or our children’s children's problems. And, please— let's not mention who we voted for in the last election.
Let's do this instead: Let's start by telling just one small thing that costs us nothing but our attention.
Something simple that nourishes the soul of our bones. How it was this morning stooping to pet the sleeping dog's muzzle before going off to work.
Or yesterday, walking in the woods spotting that fungus on the stump of a maple so astonishingly orange it glowed like a lamp.
Or just now, the sound of your own breath rising or sinking at the end of this sentence.
ever attended a seminar or conference and been inundated with information to
the point that by the time you leave you can’t remember much of anything that
you heard, even though you took copious notes?That is a common occurrence and one that I had this past weekend at this year's
Seattle University’s "Search for Meaning" book fair.This event brings together authors whose works focus on our never-ending search for meaning in such arenas as spirituality, diversity, and social justice. After spending the day
listening to amazing speakers I walked away struck by just 2 words that I heard
in one of the sessions.These 2 words
weren’t an integral part of the presentation but they wouldn't leave me.
words that stayed with me? Forgive More…I don’t know why but they
resonated somewhere deep inside.I
struggle with forgiveness – of others and of myself. I know the importance of forgiveness but more
forgiveness?I’m pretty happy with Forgive Just Enough.
ago I was walking thru a grocery store and said hello to a woman I knew from church.She looked surprised and said, “Oh, so you’re
talking to me now?”I was confused.“What do you mean by that? Why wouldn’t I be
talking to you?” “Well Roberta,” she replied, “You've been ignoring me for awhile now, but I'm not surprised because everyone knows that you can hold a grudge for a very long time.”Ouch….I felt defensive and my ego’s first
response was “No I don’t do that, it’s just not true!” but after really
thinking about it I realized there was truth in what she had said. It doesn’t help that holding grudges is part
of my DNA.I come from Northern Ireland,
a country that has raised the level of holding grudges into an art form. It was common in my family of origin to cut people off for years after an offense or a perceived offense. But that is no excuse. Good grief, I wasn’t even aware that I wasn’t
talking to this woman! And there are those two words again:Forgive
In my work
as a hospice chaplain one of the prayers that people love to hear and recite is The
Lord’s Prayer.You know how it
starts: "Our Father, who does art in
Heaven, Harold be your name."Are you
familiar with that version?No?Well children are! Probably because they
haven’t learned all the rules about the “right way” to pray and they have the
wonderful ability to hear and interpret words they don't understand in their own way.
There is another line in that prayer that is
my favorite interpretation of the Lord’s Prayer. It was written by a 4 year old
– and we all know how wise a 4 year old can be. In Jesus’ version the line says
“Forgive us our trespasses, as we
forgive those who trespass against us.” What is a trespass?An offense, sin, wrong, transgression, or
debt.Here’s the 4 year old version of
that verse:“Forgive us our trash baskets, as we forgive those who put trash in our
Forgive more.Maybe it means to empty my trash basket.Maybe it means to think about what trash I'm
putting in others’ baskets. And maybe it means to just Forgive More.
We have had yet another delightful Epiphany season. We knew you would want to know that we arrived safely (though Herod tried to fool us yet again.) The toddler is a wonder to behold and I think he loved his gifts - though his mother took them away from him for safekeeping - but we completely understand. We hope he can use them later in life.
We are heading back now but are taking our time as we've met so many other wise ones on our journey . Tell the leprechaun that we will probably miss him this year as we probably won't return before his big day in March.
Please enjoy the photos we've enclosed of our compadres. What a joy to travel!
The Wise Men
P.S. The camel is doing splendidly...what a help he has been!