Are we more than our roles?

"In each of our lives we will have periods when it seems that we are the author, with great freedom to choose a direction. And then there will be times when more limited roles must be fulfilled: parent, breadwinner, citizen, community member, contemplative. A mature life requires an ability to enter each of the roles given to us. Freedom arises when we hold them lightly, when we see them for what they are."

Jack Kornfield, "The Wise Heart" p. 72

Hurry!

All this hurrying

soon will be over.
Only when we tarry

do we touch the holy.

Rilke

Planning the Day

The list grows--
sometimes on lengthy strips of paper.
How easily my life becomes a list--
a long scroll of duties.

Sometimes the lists break down
into separate memos--
A batch of yellow memory scraps
each with an injunction.
Do this! Do that!

I can't get rid of my lists.

Perhaps there is some primitive magic here,
that if I name my duties I must perform them.
But then I almost always rebel.
These lists when they aren't burdening me,
give me an oppositional determination
to disobey and to do whatever I please.

Why do I put this "have-to-do-it" burden
on myself? It only makes me righteous,
artificially safe, and soul-tired.

Help me to sit here quietly.
Help me not so much to plan as to listen.
Help me to be informed, as in
"shaped from within," by Your will.
My burden is so heavy.
Yours is always light.

Being Home by Gunilla Norris, p. 21-22

Folding Clothes

One of my favorite book of meditations is "Being Home" by Gunilla Norris, which celebrates mindfulness in the daily rhythm of caring for our homes. Gunilla is gifted in taking a most ordinary task such as folding laundry and turning it into something profoundly sacred. Her prayers allow us to be present in the Presence.

Folding Clothes

Out of the dryer the clothes come
smelling of soap and fabric softener.
The underpants cling to the nightshirt.
The towels crackle.
Everything is mixed up with everything else.

I want to turn this heap
of electrical excitement
into some kind of order.
I want it to become
a means of prayer, a litany.

The hand towels come first.
Each day a new one goes on the hook.
Let the folding of these towels
be an invocation. I think of the hands
that have been dried on them.
Tentative, strong, confused, determined hands.
Grant that our hands will find ways
to do Your will. Keep us in Your Love.

Now the sheets.
My friends slept in them last night.
Let the folding of these sheets
be an intercession. Fold my friends
into Your tenderness. Keep us in Your Love.

Then the personal clothes.
One sock is rolled together with its mate.
One sweater sleeve goes over the other,
an image of repose.
Let the folding of these garments
be a confession. Help me to surrender,
to give up all those false excitements,
clinging attachments, static insistencies.
Help me instead to be folded into You.
Help me to be clothed by You, to dwell in You,
to make my life an obedience.
Keep us in Your Love.

Let the completed task be offered...
such a small thing...yet let it be offered
as thanksgiving. Your amazing mystery is here
even now receiving this smallness.
Keep us in Your Love.

Being Home, A Book of Meditations, p. 54

The F.A.C.E. of Ego

I never did tell you what the F.A.C.E. of ego stood for.....It's actually from another book of David Richo's., "How to Be an Adult in Relationships". I can't recall if the Essence column is from that book or was passed on from someone else's thoughts.....Still it's good stuff....

So this is how to tell if you are acting from your Ego vs. Essence
(or your Flesh vs. Spirit)

Acting from my ego

• Fear
• Attachment
• Control
• Entitlement

Acting from my essence

• Freedom
• Acceptance
• Compassion
• Equality

When I feel fear I choose instead to love.
When I feel attachment I choose instead to let go.
When I feel controlling I choose instead to grant freedom.
When I feel entitled I choose instead to see myself as equal.

The Tale of the Toilet Seat

I had an AHA moment this morning! While putting the toilet seat down yet again, I became aware of the following thought entering my mind -

"Why the hell can't he put the seat down?"........

I have been with my husband for over 30 years.....muliply 32 by 365 and you get 11,680 times that this thought has crossed my mind!

I have nagged, pleaded, demanded, cajoled, joked, begged and sulked about this issue. All to no avail. And today was the first time that i actually stopped to think about it. And then I started laughing.....out loud......it was so simple.....why have I wasted so much energy on this? It was time to do "The Work" on my toilet seat issue! And here is what I discovered. And if you are not familiar with Byron Katie's "The Work" you can click here and learn how to use this remarkable tool of asking 4 questions and turning it around.

The belief I've been clinging to for all these years is "He should put the toilet seat down."

Question # 1 - Is that true?
Answer #1 -Of course it's true! All men should be courteous enough to put the lid down after using the toilet!

Question #2 - Can you absolutely know that it's true?
Answer #2 - Well, no....it's not true because he does not put the toilet seat down.

Question #3 - How do you feel or react when you think the thought 'he should put the toilet seat down?'
Answer #3 - I feel angry, frustrated, hurt, unappreciated, tense, marginalized, annoyed, etc.

Question #4 - Who would you be without the thought 'he should put the toilet seat down?'
Answer #4 - I would just put the seat down when I entered the bathroom w/o any of these negative emotions invading my mind.

What would a good turnaround be? (In order to see what you and the person you've judged have in common.)

1)He shouldn't put the toilet seat down.
Is that equally true?
Yes
OK....think of another one....
2) I should put the toilet seat down.
Is that true?
Yes
Can you think of a third one?
3) and here is where i had my AHA moment - I SHOULD PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN ON MY THOUGHTS!

The more i considered this possibility the more i realized that i'm the one that has a problem with this - not my husband! And so the negative thoughts were flushed from my mind.....and I thought - what can i replace this with?

There are 3 churches in the vicinity of my home whose bells ring hourly. One day I told my 6 year old granddaughter (who lives behind me) that whenever the bells ring it's a reminder that Jesus is with us. In the same way the raised toilet lid will be my reminder that my husband is with me. Some day he may not be and I might not have to put the lid down anymore & I would miss him terribly. So what a perfect time to lift up a prayer for him as I once again lower that lid.

The End.

We worry because....

"Worry is directly related to control. It seems that we worry about the future, finances, relationships, jobs, and all the other unpredictables in our lives. Actually, there is only one worry: that of not being in full control of what will happen. We worry because we do not trust ourselves to handle what happens to us. We worry because we do not trust that the way the chips fall will work out for the best."
- from "The Five Things We Cannot Change" p. 10

So my questions remain. What will it take for us to learn to live more fully in the present & to question our thoughts? When will we realize that we are not God? When will we learn to trust God for the future?